The One Who Envies Time
“Drink! Plasma Egg, it is the fate of your kind!” Bryan, having just finished his bath and refilled the water bowl for the crimson vessel on the floor, mustered his strength and spoke in a deep, resonant voice.
Plasma Egg and Bryan did not share a common language; in fact, between the two of them, only one could speak. Though it sounded somewhat absurd, what Bryan said was at least true—who doesn’t need water?
Time Is Not a Flat Line
Time was later proven not to be one-dimensional as people once thought. Or rather, describing it as merely “one-dimensional” is insufficient to express its intricate, web-like structure.
If this secret were made public, everyone would surely think Bryan had gone mad.
But once the taste of truth is savored, it becomes irresistible. Even if kept as a secret locked away forever, never to be shared with another soul, enduring immense loneliness, Bryan would still follow his curiosity and continue seeking evidence. After all, this truth was born in his mind, born from his memories—more precisely, born from another unspeakable secret deep in his heart. It was a terrifying thought experiment that had left Bryan in a state of fear and anxiety for a full six months and forty days.
The Human Heart
Yet, phenomena related to time are also connected to the human heart. As is well known, people imprison themselves (whether intentionally or not) within their own cells, keeping their hearts forever hidden from the light of day. Observing another’s heart is utterly impossible. We can only rely on language to project the rich, complex state of our hearts onto a single, straight line and hand it to another person, then pray for their genius to restore our hearts, which have been distorted by linearity.
However, there are moments when our hearts inadvertently flicker into someone else’s, or vice versa. At such times, expressions appear on people’s faces—most often a smile, sometimes a bittersweet ache of happiness. Because the heart is confined within a cell of its own design or making, the most cruel psychological states are curiosity and shyness. Bryan understood deeply the pain that comes from being curious about another’s heart. Whether in sunshine or rain, one can only guess based on meager evidence. And shyness only deepens the pain brought by curiosity.
Encoding the Human Heart into Language
Fortunately, most of the time, things are not about pain.
Bryan sometimes tried to explain his understanding of time to others. For instance, the process by which the human heart constructs another heart carried by language is not, in fact, an isolated point existing solely on a timeline, as most people imagine. Sometimes, a single word or sentence from someone can suddenly take effect years later, like finally obtaining the key to a puzzle. Thus, language, combined with the workings of time, moves freely through this world. Since people cannot foresee the future, it is difficult to perceive this effect. Even if they do sense it, they can never describe it to another—the equation has already been filled with too many unknowns.
For those who have long spoken a particular language, they sometimes use the same, not necessarily correct, pattern to construct and interpret the hidden human heart within language. If one suddenly switches to another language, unfamiliarity with the language itself makes one involuntarily cautious, allowing language to connect more directly to the heart. Bryan had a foreign friend with whom he had once shared a campfire. Their communication often made Bryan aware of this. However, compared to the role of language itself, the similarity of human hearts is the solid foundation of friendship.
Time’s Projection on the Human Heart
It is precisely because of this unknowability of the future, and the grasp and memory of the past, that existing at different points in the web of time becomes a vast source of both difference and commonality between people. Therefore, Bryan envies time, or rather, envies the imprint of time on a person. This envy is actually composed of two distinct emotions:
The first is the aforementioned curiosity. Curiosity about how many linguistic riddles this person has solved in different times. Curiosity about what gifts and reproaches time has bestowed upon another heart, making it exuberant. Curiosity about whether one can use the same time as a measure to experience the suffering and joy of another heart, and whether one, too, can become exuberant?
This leads to the second emotion: a deep sense of inferiority. Broadly speaking, lacking the effect of time means lacking countless keys—unable to unlock the secrets left in the language of those who came before, and unable to powerfully form new words and new languages to encode one’s own heart in new forms. Narrowly speaking, due to the asynchronicity of time, the probability of influencing another heart through non-linguistic means is greatly reduced. —Bryan asked himself if he was laughably naive. Even now, I can understand a bit of this feeling of his.
In the end, Bryan decided not to be a coward. He began learning to distinguish between things that change with time and things that remain constant, and to believe that time would eventually make him exuberant as well.
Time’s Effect on the Human Heart
In the face of impartial time, the power of relative effects begins to show: “Hidden melancholy has her sovereign shrine.” This is perhaps the line of poetry Bryan has chewed over the longest. And as time passes, more and more keys become available to unlock parts of its mystery, allowing one to savor different nuances.
Bryan discovered that persistently savoring melancholy amidst joy is a manifestation of consistency. Because only within the same frame of reference can the latter be born from nostalgia for the former. In a book Bryan recently read, this consistency spanned an astonishing fifty-three years.
However, consistency is ultimately a precious quality. More often, as time flows, the human heart changes. Simplified to the binary relative effect we’re discussing, this manifests as joy becoming平淡 (flat) with its increase, and melancholy diminishing with the passage of time. The most tragic scenario is when past joy turns into pain, and past melancholy loses all meaning. Bryan termed this change “betrayal.”
He would never allow such betrayal of himself to happen again. But with the right rhythm, balance naturally emerges, just like the eyes one sees for the first time on a poplar tree—those eyes, large and small! They are hard to see without an exuberant heart.
Time Ceases in Plasma Egg’s Snoring
So, what exactly are the things that change with time, and what are the things that remain constant? If a friendship that once shared mutual support now seems insignificant, can it be said that the hearts that existed in that time have died?
Or perhaps each person is reborn every day, carrying the memories of yesterday’s heart, using this discovery as a grand excuse for procrastination.
Plasma Egg finally accepted her fate and began snoring peacefully. Only then did Bryan realize that time had stopped.
One who envies time is so sensitive; time also requires him to be mature and brave.