Be the Light of the World
Just a few farewell dinners, a few items left to pick up, and in a few days, I will truly graduate, leaving the sweet realm of dreams to once again set foot on the soil of reality.
Just now, I was chatting with the head class monitor. We both knew in our hearts that this was probably the last conversation before graduation. We talked about nothing but future prospects, ending with a phrase like a secret code. I sent it out, and he sent it back: Be the light of the world.
It comes from the school song of Xi’an Jiaotong University.
How splendid is our school, the flower of truth, a model for youth, the glory of the nation,
The school flag flutters, growing with the sun, be the light of the world, be the light of the world.
How splendid is our school, inspiring the masses, enlightening our wisdom, igniting our passion,
Talented individuals gather, venturing far and wide, be the light of the world, be the light of the world.
How splendid is our school, the fountain of spirit, the profound abode of science, the forest garden of art,
Industry expands, progress knows no bounds, be the light of the world, be the light of the world.
How splendid is our school, a brilliant civilization, practical learning strengthens the nation’s foundation, the nation achieves revival,
Vast is the earth, high the mountains and long the rivers, be the light of the world, be the light of the world.
Graduation is imminent. There are many things and many people I haven’t had time to deal with or bid farewell to, and I am about to be swept away by the torrent of the times, either dashed against the broader shores of fate or riding the wind and waves, forging ahead, becoming a navigator of the era. Not to mention the overused but beautiful phrase: “Our journey is to the stars and the sea.” Ambition and lofty aspirations always exist, especially at this time—the time of parting—the time of ending—the season of new beginnings. This sentiment, I think, can only be expressed by this phrase from the school song of my alma mater, which I both love and resent and am about to leave: “Be the light of the world.”
Jiaotong University
When heaven and earth interact, all things communicate; when superiors and subordinates interact, their wills become one.
I’ve finally graduated, so I can freely use the term “alma mater” now.
Defeated in Exams, Came to JiaoDa?
I don’t know which senior I heard it from: “People at Xi’an Jiaotong University all have a sense of resentment, you could even say ‘defeated in exams, came to JiaoDa’.” This impression was very profound for me when I first entered university four years ago: even before the semester started, I glimpsed the depression of failing the Peking University entrance exam from a new classmate’s QQ space, the original words were “Living towards death”; this sentiment was especially palpable in student clubs and organizations—everyone was unhappy, feeling they had been shortchanged by ending up here; my future “roommate” also confided in me during a late-night talk that he felt like a stray dog, his plans disrupted, dreams shattered, a disgrace to his teachers!
Narrowing it down to my major: the air was even more permeated with a sense of despair. Due to low admission scores, this major became a good place to transfer students, plus all freshmen had the opportunity to switch into it without cost when registering at the university, to attract students. It seemed very cheap, a major even ghosts would disdain, so how could those who came not disdain themselves? During military training, leaders from the neighboring School of Electronic and Information Engineering came to greet us. Out of 3,500 freshmen standing on the track field, 800 rose, crowding a corner of the field until it was impenetrable, a scene that was once very spectacular. The School of Software Engineering, however, had only one department, the Software Engineering major. When leaders came, only a sparse eighty or so people were there, desolate and lonely. But I was naive and romantic back then and didn’t think about these things; instead, I took the opportunity to observe the girls I had never seen before.
The above mentality is a major commonality among students at JiaoDa and in the Software Engineering major at JiaoDa. I might be an exception because my classmates and I all got into university by our own merit. Why can you be “defeated by merit,” but I can’t “exceed expectations by merit” and joyfully come to the university campus without any feeling of being unworthy? But I could ultimately sense my classmates’ disappointment and was clearly affected by it. Fortunately, this mentality lasted at most a year for most people. Once we became familiar with our new base, built new friendships, even licked our wounds and won back new dreams, the past disappointments and regrets became insignificant. Only then did we begin to vaguely realize the new mission and vision we possessed, truly as the school song says, we should “be the light of the world.”
Cradle of Engineers
During freshman year, the teacher who taught Computer Fundamentals joked that our university was the “cradle of engineers,” meaning it only cultivates engineers, not leaders; they become the backbone of society but are mostly buried in the torrent, forming a solid foundation for the superstructure. He commented on the school motto: Diligence in Study, Sincerity in Aspiration, Perseverance in Action, and Responsibility in Duty; it seemed to me he had bitterness he couldn’t fully express, both admirable and frustrating. I couldn’t say I disagreed, yet I sighed that students weren’t taught to have lofty ambitions.
It actually fits my own characteristics quite well: not suited to be a leader, yet unwilling to be a mere follower, but I can be considered an observer. I’m not foolish, but each of the four points in the school motto is something I lack and need to learn. As for the rest, principles and applications need to be savored in the details of life, not hindering forward progress. Also, I have a strange ability—to inadvertently say what I most want to say and do what I truly want to do. Sometimes this stumbling can lead to painful bumps, but after pruning the dead branches and withered leaves, one really becomes more spirited.
Thus, under the influence of the resentment described earlier, and through my own unintentional yet sincere choices, I moved forward with unsteady steps. The various events in life strung together make one feel in retrospect that those coincidences and close calls are simply incredible; if I were to attend university a second time, it would be entirely different. These events include suddenly deciding at 4 AM the night before the election for department head to abandon the student union, feeling I should contribute to the Microsoft Student Club family I loved, where I stayed for four years; later, after eating lunch at Wutong Yuan, seeing the long-admired Robotics Team setting up a booth and happily walking up to sign up, spending a whole year with “sign-in at the team except during class time, Friday afternoons, and a ten-day holiday during New Year,” which greatly improved my overall feel for technology and confidence; signing up for the Microsoft Student Summer Camp during the summer of sophomore year on a whim and meeting a respectable friend, who, by the way, effortlessly helped arrange my current post-graduation plans just before graduation; interning at a lab, gaining a unique early experience of graduate student life at our university and firmly deciding against taking the postgraduate entrance exam; during the lab internship, taking on a freelance web development project that later left me so discouraged—please note the times mentioned below are all in the past perfect tense:
Last September, because I was short on cash, I took on a freelance job to build a website, scheduled to go live at the end of October. Little did I know it would become a veritable
tar pitthat I couldn’t finish in an entire semester. Hence, this mythical man-month tale emerged, serving as a lesson for my failure to humbly learn from the earnest teachings and valuable experience of predecessors, for my arrogance, and for only understanding the principles after狼狈不堪地 writing ugly code and looking back. I also hope to use this as a summary of my personal learning life, trying to extract some insights, ultimately raising my own level a little bit.
And finally, the half-year I had planned for but still found unexpectedly rushed, learning from scratch for studying abroad, only to make a sharp turn at the critical moment matter. I ended up sitting on my bed, writing this essay with great relish.
The eagerness of the first year, the arduous accumulation of the second year, the happiness and helplessness of the third year, the confusion and serenity of the fourth year—this is the blood and fire of my time in this cradle.
Therefore, I am not discouraged by being trained as an engineer. Doesn’t Google in the West also advocate “Ask the engineer”? During the 120th anniversary of my alma mater the year before last, I asked myself, “Can I be the light of the world?” A candid friend said: “Just a code farmer.”
I only hope to be the kind of code farmer who cannot be easily replaced, giving birth to immortal fruits of logic from the fields of thought.
Remember the Source
An anecdote once happened on campus: two men fought in a classroom during class, prompting a boy in red in the class to slam the table and stand up: “This is Xi’an Jiaotong University, a world-class institution of higher learning, and yet you are here acting wildly. Do you think this is appropriate?!” It caused a sensation across the campus at the time, and a wave of thought followed…
I also think of an article that flooded my WeChat Moments during the anniversary celebration: “Jiaotong University ≠ Shanghai Jiaotong University.” There seem to be five Jiaotong Universities nationwide with the same root: Shanghai Jiaotong University, Xi’an Jiaotong University, Southwest Jiaotong University, Beijing (Northern) Jiaotong University, and National Chiao Tung University (Hsinchu). Among them, Shanghai Jiao Tong University and Xi’an Jiaotong University are most closely related, originating from the Nanyang Public School founded by the Beiyang Government in 1896. The Nanyang Public School was renamed several times, becoming Jiaotong University, then National Chiao Tung University. Finally, on its 60th anniversary, the main part of the university relocated west, moving to the vast northwest to support development and construction, growing into Xi’an Jiaotong University. The part that remained in Shanghai, after three years of independent operation, became the present-day Shanghai Jiao Tong University. Due to various factors, Shanghai Jiao Tong University has brought great honor and is the leader among the five siblings of the same origin. Thus, the resounding name “Jiaotong University” has silently become equated with Shanghai Jiao Tong University in the minds of scholars and the public at home and abroad. Students of XJTU, then, were provoked by the “defeated in exams, came to JiaoDa” mentality and their self-esteem, beginning to speak out for their beloved alma mater’s unfair treatment. Even the fact that Senior Jiang later only visited SJTU and not XJTU caused resentment. I share this sentiment too. A few days ago, a senior from another school saw my photo with Senior Jiang’s portrait and exclaimed in surprise, “Senior Jiang is also from JiaoDa?” thinking he had misspoken, and corrected himself: “XJTU, not JiaoDa.” I stuck out my tongue at the screen.
Interestingly, all five Jiaotong Universities have an almost identical “Remember the Source” monument, with a three-dimensional school emblem on top and the characters “饮水思源” (Remember the Source) engraved on it. Once we truly enter the real battlefield, as long as we hear someone is a fellow student or senior from a Jiaotong University, we feel a special closeness. Some even go so far as to truly implement the idea of attending Jiaotong University without distinguishing between XJTU and SJTU, thus纷纷 going to SJTU for graduate studies. After the jokes, heroes are not asked about their origins; everyone acts according to their own abilities. Loving one’s school is another matter of emotion; we just need to remember to remember the source.
Dream and Reality
Giving this title might make it seem like I’m indulging in fantasy while ignoring reality, but that’s both true and not.
As said at the beginning of this article: “leaving the sweet realm of dreams to once again set foot on the soil of reality.” Since going to Beijing for an internship in mid-January this year, I realized the preciousness of campus life. I once inwardly shouted, “Why don’t I just go back to school and be a salted fish before graduation?!” In reality, internship life was very novel, interesting, full of drive, and there were opportunities to suddenly realize it was already 11 PM. What I want to say is that campus life is like a beautiful dream. Every time I return to school, it’s like continuing this sweet slumber.
So, in early March, I played games until 4 AM; in early April, I slept soundly until noon, then ordered a box of roast duck rice, hung around the college all afternoon, went to Kangqiao for dinner, took a bath at the hot spring浴室, and bought lemon black tea at the small black shop; in early May, besides that, I also went to the southeast gate at night to buy rolled pancakes, tofu, cold dishes, and gluten—we called it “top of the taste”—to spend my “typical day” on campus. Even sweating on some staircase on campus felt incredibly blissful, like returning home after an axe handle rotted away in a fairyland to find everything unchanged.
However, on the high-speed train back to school for my thesis defense in June, my heart was surprisingly calm. It was as if I had slept a long, beautiful sleep, sunlight shining on the quilt, the thick sleepiness not yet dissipated, body and mind rested, floating up from the depths of the sea of sleep, opening my eyes, serene and satisfied. Though beautiful, the dream was ultimately a deep sleep dream. In the dream, there were only eyes and ears, to learn and listen. Now awake, I have the strength to act. Qian, the Creative, with its four virtues: origination, prevalence, fitness, and perseverance. The first line changes to the second and third lines. The hidden dragon emerges from the water. It is time to seek out the great man and then be vigilant day and night, cautious morning and evening.
The novelty of the first two years of university wasn’t fully savored before the latter two years passed as swiftly as riding a rocket. I told many of these stories to my diary, and more I didn’t tell it because I was lazy. But the original, undisturbed environment gave me many opportunities to make benign mistakes that wouldn’t knock me out of the game, and to learn the knowledge of not making mistakes, to identify those malignant mistakes that, once made, would knock me out with no chance for remedy. The process of making mistakes and the taste of their consequences are the most unpleasant, allowing me to deepen my impression, lick my wounds, and learn from them. In the play Copenhagen, Heisenberg says: “Left, right, or think about it and die.” I deeply agreed and posted it on my Moments to warn myself. But upon careful recollection and reflection, I realized the context this sentence applies to is skiing. In such a tense and exciting sport, one can only turn left or right based on muscle memory formed from previous falls. If one thinks at that moment, they will miss the timing and perish, judged out of the game by fate. The key is to constantly think, constantly fall, constantly form new muscle memory in a缓和 environment, so that one can agilely and cleverly turn left or right in truly perilous environments and enjoy the thrill and joy brought by extreme sports in the process.
I foresee that the life ahead will still be full of opportunities to make benign mistakes and moments of not making any mistakes. The process won’t be easy or pleasant, but it will absolutely be fascinating.
Shaking off the drowsiness, I’ve actually written until dawn is almost breaking.
I shouldn’t write too much here because the coffin isn’t sealed yet, so no final judgment can be made,
But I still want to say one thing—
Be the light of the world!