I Fell into a Cool Midsummer
What does travel mean to me?
For some, travel means conquest. Knowing in advance where to go, roughly what to do, then it’s about lighting up the map and achieving milestones.
For me, travel means seeking. There is no physical destination; the incompleteness born from leaving home becomes the driving force for moving forward on the journey. Carrying this sense of lack, I search for what this heart is missing. I don’t know what it is, but whatever it is will be the endpoint of this journey. Endpoints are rare, so my travels are often accompanied by anxiety—the longing for an endpoint, and the accompanying fear of never reaching it.
Recording a long-awaited trip.
The Journey Out - A Twisted Start
The car’s battery showed 0%, with 0 kilometers remaining. At that moment, the three of us were still 4 kilometers from Pudong Airport, with 9 minutes left before the check-in counter closed. To make matters worse, Brother Ji suddenly realized he had brought his old passport by mistake…
In the end, only Ah Zheng and I boarded the plane to Chiang Mai. Even after boarding, our hearts were still pounding. I’ve never believed in bad luck, but today was indeed not smooth sailing.
We were still working right before departure, and we paid a high price for a fatal mistake—this was the start of the troubles. After a brief review, we realized we had misjudged the time needed to get from home to Pudong Airport. We set off leisurely on the road to Pudong—driving, then having a designated driver take the car home.
Upon starting the navigation, we found the trip would take an hour and a half longer than expected. This meant that if the navigation estimate was accurate, we would just miss check-in. Relying on Nomi’s autopilot for a leisurely drive was impossible. The only way out was to drive boldly and carefully ourselves, despite traffic jams, rain, and a low battery, speeding as much as possible while ensuring safety to gain about five minutes.
After more than an hour of frantic driving, we did gain some time, arriving at the scene described at the beginning.
After boarding, I felt somewhat exhausted, as if I had lost my keen sensitivity to life. In the past few hours, I had experienced the frustration of a work mistake, the tension and excitement of rushing for a flight, and the regret of a companion not making it. Yet, for the upcoming trip, I hadn’t felt a shred of anticipation. Thinking about it, this sense of anticipation for travel seemed to have been absent from my life for a long time.
I turned on airplane mode and drifted into a drowsy sleep. When I picked up my phone again, an hour had passed. Only then did I see a message from Playground sent an hour earlier, roughly saying that an important matter had finally been resolved as hoped. A warm current, tasting like black tea, slowly flowed into my heart. Empathy began to work its magic, and I finally relaxed, letting out a long sigh.
So, what would happen in the coming days? Roughly two days in Chiang Mai, then four days in Bangkok. Except for the two nights’ accommodation in Chiang Mai, flights and hotels were still unbooked. Amid this chaos, I began to feel a glimmer of anticipation for this trip.
Songkran
Our trip coincided with Songkran, the grandest festival for the Dai-Thai ethnic groups across Southeast Asia. It carries a beautiful meaning: washing away the dust of the past year and starting anew for the coming year.
After resting and preparing for a night, we met up with Brother Ji’s friends (though he himself couldn’t make it due to the mishap). This was the first day of Songkran. Brother Ji’s friends had rented a pickup truck, with two large barrels of water on the cargo rack, three water guns for long-range attacks, and four or five small buckets for close combat.
Approaching the moat near the old city, we arrived at a corner of the main battlefield. It was a scene of chaos I had never seen before: people were in disarray, everyone using every suitable container to splash water at others. The ample supply of ice turned the otherwise harmless lukewarm water into refreshingly icy water. People joyfully shouted and splashed each other.
Boys and girls on the streets indiscriminately drenched every object passing by with water guns, buckets, and various other “weapons.” Street vendors either sold food or ice and water for refills (mostly scooped straight from the river), and they themselves joined in the splashing. No one could resist the revelry of Songkran. Passersby on bikes could only be splashed; at best, they could pull out their own small water guns during lulls in the assault to retaliate futilely.
The main force was countless pickup trucks like ours, inching forward slowly on severely congested roads. On these trucks, regardless of gender or age, people were either doing their best to spray everyone or being joyfully drenched with icy water, only to snap back a few seconds later and retaliate. Some trucks had their own speakers, so the people on them swayed passionately to the rhythm, completely unfazed by the water being thrown at them. Nearly ten people swaying in unison on the truck made it seem as if the vehicle itself was bouncing to the music.
Everyone was laughing and shouting—a true carnival for all.
Unfortunately, we had to stop midway. On one hand, the scorching sun quickly gave us sunburns. On the other hand, after I went to bed early the previous night, Ah Zheng and the others bought afternoon tickets to Bangkok—probably thinking Chiang Mai was just a simple appetizer, while Bangkok had everything more captivating. I had no strong opinion, just feeling that Songkran was already fun enough.
As it turned out, we were all somewhat mistaken.
After a difficult two-kilometer trek under the blazing sun, we finally left the heavily congested area and took a taxi back to the homestay.
After a hot shower and changing into dry clothes, while packing to head to Bangkok, Ah Zheng realized his phone was missing.
Urban Chase
I called Ah Zheng’s phone several times before confirming it wasn’t in the room.
Anxiety surged. Losing a phone in a foreign country with a language barrier is no easy task to recover from. To make matters worse, we were about to leave for the airport, and time was very, very tight.
At first, we thought it might have been left in the ride-hailing car, so we called customer service. However, the客服 couldn’t reach the driver who took us back, forcing us to think of other solutions.
Time ticked away, and we still had no clue how to find the phone. Should we call the police? Would that even help?
Got it! Let’s try iPhone’s Find My feature. About every two minutes, Ah Zheng could see his phone’s location update on the Find My app on his Mac. The latest location was a bit north of Chiang Mai’s old city. We decided to take a taxi and head to his phone’s location to try our luck. A strange mirror image emerged: I used my phone as a hotspot, he held the computer, and we went out dressed in attire not suited for getting wet.
Midway, the driver dropped us off, unwilling to enter the severe congestion. One holding a phone, the other a computer, we advanced like two madmen toward the constantly changing location.
We were definitely going to miss the flight. Fortunately, the homestay was booked for two days, so we could stay another night.
Midway, I received a call—from Ah Zheng’s number. But upon answering, all I could hear was street noise, as if it was an accidental touch. This suggested the person who found the phone wasn’t a thief, as a thief would turn off the phone and wouldn’t make such a mistake.
We were getting closer. Ah Zheng’s phone wasn’t moving at car speed; we could keep up by running. The phone left the main road and entered a small alley.
Finally, we intercepted the scavenger uncle who had found the phone in front of a phone repair shop in the alley. The phone case was already gone. I guess we’ll never know whether the uncle intended to sell the phone or hand it over to the more knowledgeable phone shop to complete the act of returning lost property. Regardless, Ah Zheng expressed gratitude and gave some money to thank the uncle.
Retrieving what was lost felt incredibly good! Once again, I experienced the vividness of life in an adventure given by life itself. Ah Zheng was also extremely excited; I had never seen someone so happy about missing a flight.
Zoe in Yellow
The moment we found the phone, to celebrate, Ah Zheng suggested going for a drink. So I looked up bars in the city and found one that seemed decent, called Zoe in Yellow. I immediately imagined what kind of place it might be.
In that instant, the future revealed its hazy veil to me.
However, the direction into the city was filled with crazy water-splashing revelers. They were eager to evenly drench everyone in sight, and pleading with gestures was useless. Looking at my freshly changed clothes and shoes, I quickly extinguished that flicker of anticipation and returned to a rational state, deciding not to go.
After resting back at the homestay, we rebooked tickets for Bangkok early the next morning (but didn’t eat). Later, my companions decided to go into the city for some fun. I, who was going along, was too hungry to muster any interest and prepared to head back.
After parting ways with my companions, I tiredly booked a Grab motorbike to return to the Maya Plaza near the homestay for some food, then go to bed early.
According to my original plan, I shouldn’t have taken a motorbike. The whistling evening wind, combined with the water splashed by pedestrians along the way, washed away my fatigue.
My clothes were splashed in the漫天 water spray. Amid the roaring engine of the motorcycle, I collided with the warm, gentle wind. On this early summer night, I shook my head, leaving a few water droplets in the wind, and the wind returned a touch of coolness as thanks.
Perhaps because Songkran is like a contagious狂欢 virus. Before getting splashed, I was a civilized, presentable person, caring about my neat, dry clothes. But after getting splashed, I only wanted to join the纵情狂欢 crowd and make the next civilized person who cared about their presentable clothes join my ranks. It wasn’t even 9 p.m. yet—perfect timing. I had just entered the city—perfect location. I immediately decided to change course and head to Zoe.
Like a shy introvert dragged to a party by a confident extrovert friend, people tried to talk to the introvert, who could only smile awkwardly, while his extrovert friend loudly introduced his shy friend to the crowd. Except both of them were me—a somewhat schizophrenic, awkward me, wanting to狂欢 but holding back a bit.
Standing at the entrance of Zoe, I heard deafening music inside. Surrounding the dance floor was a circle of小吃 stalls and bars. I decided to fill my stomach first, maybe have a drink or two.
People were so joyful. After a gin and tonic, I was shot point-blank by a nearby foreigner with a water gun. Damn it! I’m tired of the human form, tired of being a normal, polite human, tired of rationality. To hell with it, today is for狂欢.
I entered the dance floor, first小心翼翼,辗转腾挪, but inevitably getting照顾到 from all directions by water guns. Once on the dance floor, the sprinklers above worked like heavy rain, evenly rinsing everyone.
But how do you dance? This was my first time actually going to a club to dance. Just sway to the rhythm! Everyone was doing their own thing; I wasn’t performing on stage, so there was nothing to be shy about, I comforted myself.
In front of me, slightly to the side, was this white couple. They embraced and swayed to the rhythm, as if the entire dance floor, or the whole world, consisted only of the two of them embracing, swaying圆满地. My heart felt a slight悸动. Was I longing for such interaction?
Closing my eyes, I danced瞎跳 to the rhythm, but still笨拙, still羞涩.
When I opened my eyes again, this girl with blue braids and a black baseball cap appeared beside me.
—“She dances so freely.” The first thought said. She was背对着 the DJ booth, facing the opposite direction of everyone else, dancing肆意地,优雅且具备力量. It was a power of freedom, as if the world consisted only of the music’s rhythm and her dancing body. Then I caught a glimpse of her head raised by her舞步.
—“She’s so beautiful.” The second thought迸发出来. Water droplets on her face were like dewdrops in the morning sun,晶莹剔透. Her slightly arched eyebrows were like willow leaves; the wide-set大眼睛 beneath them resembled a silver fox. Her极具异域风情的 eyes seemed to possess a奇妙的力量, making one不由自主地沉醉其中. Under the恰到好处的修饰 of her nasolabial folds, her mouth appeared优雅而大气, like a meticulously carved work of art, slightly open, exuding a从容不迫的气息. In her confident smile, dimples若隐若现, like a璀璨星辰藏匿 in the night sky,悄然闪耀.
In the声浪 exceeding 100 dB, the world fell silent. I myself became半透明似的. Only this girl danced肆意而自由地 under a single spotlight. As if she were the embodiment of music, perfectly融合 with the rhythm. Her blue braids swayed gently with her舞步, like一道道蓝色的波浪划过 the air. Her black baseball cap tilted slightly, adding a touch of不羁和神秘.
I was deeply吸引 by her舞姿, as if time stood still at that moment. Every shrug of her shoulders, every jump, seemed like精心编排的舞蹈, filled with奇异的美感. Her face radiated自信和快乐, that纯粹的享受和自由的表达, like a重拳打在我的心头.
On this喧嚣的夜晚, she became the唯一的焦点 in my eyes. Her presence made everything around her黯然失色. Only her舞步 and the music’s rhythm echoed in the air. I seemed to feel her内心的激情和自由, that不受束缚、尽情释放的感觉.
I wanted to join her自由的舞步, to enjoy this纯粹的快乐 together.
As the music reached its高潮, her舞步 became more激烈和狂野. Her body swayed freely with the rhythm, every movement filled with力量和美感. Her eyes闪烁光芒, as if narrating her story and dreams. Her raised right hand敲击着空气, as if the air itself had become an instrument. The声浪 of this instrument echoed in the dance floor,撞击着每个人的胸腔, making them forget their own names, becoming mere dancing machines.
Then she was pulled away by friends, and I was拽回到了 the热闹的舞池中.
In the center of the dance floor, the暴雨一般的 sprinklers sent coolness into the crowd. I was彻底湿透了,也彻底兴奋起来了.
Inspired by her, I also began to自由起来, no longer拘泥于 my own舞步, no longer worried about others’目光. Letting my body sway freely with the music’s rhythm, gradually自信而有力. I felt an前所未有的自由和快乐, as if the whole world was cheering for me.
I was no longer an旁观者 but had become part of the music. In the rhythm, I奔涌着,怒号着,肆意流淌着, like洪水般要毁灭沿途的一切. Causing all meaningful symbols to消解、融化 into it, joining this汹涌之中, making it壮大. Eventually, the world would consist only of the music’s rhythm and my不成章法, yet无敌的舞步.
Then, she appeared beside me again, still swaying freely,不顾旁人地, but now holding a small bucket of bubbly, iced饮料.
Whether it was my错觉 or not, we became a奇妙的双星系统. No matter how people pushed and shoved进入或者离开 the dance floor, she始终 swayed in front of me.
The night grew deeper. People gradually got into the mood,涌入 the increasingly拥挤的舞池. Our distance也因此而变得更近了.
碰撞,溅出水滴 in the瓢泼“大雨“. Her hat touched my chin. “Put your fucking hands up!” the DJ on stage said. Her raised hands碰我的手 in the rhythm.
She turned around, tucked the drink under her arm,双手合十半蹲了一下, and said sorry to me. The羞涩的笑意 in her eyes was as明媚柔和 as黄昏.
She handed over the bucket of酒 with the straw facing me. It tasted like rum with cola. And I returned a hug—something I had wanted to do all along.
And thus experienced that强烈的冲击.
This冲击 pierced my chest like a spear, puncturing the symbolic force field of rationality. Beneath it,汹涌的爱欲 erupted like a volcano, trying to catch this外来者 that had雷霆万钧之力戳入 my精神领域.炙热的波涛努力变换形态, attempting to修补 the already incomplete force field, trying to capture even a shred of理性和意义, trying to build a comprehensible image for her. This不自觉却又过载运行的努力 failed. I felt so tired.
It passed through all appearances, entered the虚无 of the本体, forming a奇点, where it began its永恒的圆周运动, and would be赋予时间性 in the time to come.
Aye! Supersensible is appearance qua appearance
The Journey’s End Arrived at 1/3 of the Itinerary
In that night’s dream, I walked toward her as she rested nearby and asked for her contact information. She gave me a confident and明媚的笑容. Then everything faded. Upon waking, I remembered I had decided not to do that, deliberately not asking for any information beyond her name, letting the狂欢 in the dance floor end and us forget each other in the江湖.
That was most妙. After tonight, there was no possibility of us meeting again. And my journey would become彻底圆满 because of such遗憾.
In the days that followed, I would still懊恼 why I was so固执, making such a奇怪的决心. I couldn’t help but好奇 what story would have unfolded if I hadn’t resisted asking for her contact information.
But this was most妙. I had to let myself from that day sink into deep迷惘 in such an intoxicated state. Only then would this encounter become深刻. Only then would I痛切地反思, wanting to告别 the浑噩 of my past year. Only then could I create a奇异的量子场域, letting imagination迸发不受控制地, to create ten million精彩纷呈的宇宙. Yes, I would好奇 what story would have unfolded if I hadn’t resisted asking for her contact information. That would be ten million different stories—bitter, sweet,平淡无奇, or精彩纷呈. Regardless, I渴望 all possibilities in the life to come. I must use this渴望的脉冲 to make my already疲惫的心 beat强有力地 again. I would gain ten million new dreams. And then, I would witness them坍缩 into a reality I did not yet know but无比期待.
The journey’s end had already arrived. It was located at 1/3 of the itinerary. The following days would be spent咀嚼与休息. The重新跳动起来的心脏 needed time to send fresh blood to every cell in the body.
The last hour was spent swaying together. In this清凉的酷暑, Mint stood right in front of me,背靠着我. I placed my head on Mint’s shoulder—and she held my hand at her waist. When a new round of暴雨泼下来, for a moment I held tighter, and Mint also leaned her head against my chin. The water of Songkran washed everything away. I only smelled a faint,生机勃勃的汗味.