2023-06-18 #2

Sucking the marrow out of my own bones, I guess!

Earlier I said I’d write a short essay to recommend Copenhagen to everyone. I’ve been grunting and slogging through it for nearly half a week, and I still haven’t finished.

After a day of writing painfully (yet with a hint of pleasure), I complained bitterly to playground. I said I finally understand some writers’ bad habits—why they smoke, drink, run, swim, do all kinds of things.

He: “Is it like this when you write code?”

I thought for a moment: “Rarely. Unless I’ve been going full-throttle all day on some complex set of changes, but that really doesn’t happen often.”

The reason I don’t get exhausted when writing code is that I can usually control the complexity of a change pretty well. I already have decent self‑control: when implementing features, I suppress my soul’s urge to refactor; when refactoring, I suppress my soul’s urge to rewrite (strike out the last half sentence).

Writing articles—I’m way too inexperienced. It’s totally “two lines take three years to come, tears flow before I can speak.” On one hand, I always feel what I write is garbage; on the other hand, I have to endure that and still produce something. While choosing words and phrasing, I want to accurately express those intangible things I feel, and I also need to think about structure—not top‑heavy, not inconsistent, not scattered like a pile of sand.

Then, as this process goes on, I completely lose the ability to judge what I’ve written.

But I will finish it. This flag must not fall.

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